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The Cop in my DM's

THE COP IN MY DM’S

I am back at Tax Duchess now!  I am excited for tax season and to be working with my friend Ann Marie.  Vinni is doing well at his current school and there are plans in motion to set up his next school which will have more therapy built into the curriculum.  Being completely honest, of all the organizations we have dealt with over the last few years – Worcester Public Schools have had the best people to work with as we navigate this craziness.  I greatly appreciate them and their commitment to my child and our family.

One thing I had to reconcile with as I stepped back into my Tax Duchess era was that I had turned forty and now I was completely all out of fucks in every single way.  If you are my client still – thank you, I love you!  If you want nothing to do with me – I understand, good bye!

I never really spent much time on the social media platform, LinkedIn, and only had a handful of followers.  Even though I worked as an accountant, my clientele are salon owners and I don’t interact with them on LinkedIn, so for a while, this platform wasn’t that appealing to me.

But now here I was – Erin Arvizu – author of Rotten Fruit is Falling Down and owner of Tax Duchess LLC.  I updated my LinkedIn profile and went nuts friend requesting social workers, police officers, judges, prosecutors, district attorneys, probation workers – anyone I deemed as someone who would benefit from reading our story – that’s who I requested to connect with.  I would max out my limit by Monday each week.

My network grew pretty quickly in the last month.  I started acting more ratchet on the platform.  Not as ratchet as my tik tok account, but I definitely did not think of LinkedIn as a platform that I had to be completely professional – it is a platform for me to speak to certain types of professionals. Many people view my profile and the things I have posted and even if they know me personally, in real life, they will choose not to accept my invitation to connect – they choose not to be connected to my LinkedIn profile.  There are also people who don’t know me personally that will accept the invitation right away, only to delete me after viewing my actual profile or interacting with me.

Then there are the people who don’t know me personally, that I meet through my message inbox. I received an invitation to connect from a police officer who works in Massachusetts.  I accepted and promptly received a direct message, aka a DM.  This is how it started, how it went and how it ended.

Cop: Thanks for the add.

Erin: You’re welcome! Read my book, Rotten Fruit is Falling Down. Thanks!

Cop: What’s it about?

Erin: Generational trauma – my child was sexually abused by an adult male family member. Three other cousins came forward as well.

Cop: Wow, I’m sorry. I’m a sexual assault investigator. Seen way too much.

Erin: Please read it! People like you can help improve the system. The perpetrator was never arrested, and we are still waiting for trial.

Cop: How old are your kids? Where is your book sold online? My apologies for all the questions.

Erin: 13, 10 and 6. The perpetrator started abusing his cousins when he was 14. He confessed to the cops about assaulting one cousin. I started speaking out – the perp then filed criminal harassment against me. We fight tooth and nail against a system that protects him instead of my kid.

Cop: Wow

Erin: I also own a business called Tax Duchess.

Cop: I worked in Worcester for over 5 years as a college police officer. How old are you?

Erin: I am 40.

Cop: You don’t look 40!

…the conversation continued…

As I waited in line at the post office to buy stamps, he asked me to send some selfies. While my son was in his therapy appointment and I was stamping tax organizers, he asked me about my marriage and my sex life.  The conversation escalated to unhealthy levels several times.  He said he wanted to see me in a bathing suit.  He asked if I had any pictures from when I was back in college.  He asked how often me and my husband have sex. He complained that his wife never wants to have sex.

He told me he was 32 years old, has a toddler son and newborn twins.  He asked me if it bothered me when my husband jerked off.  I told him, “Everyone has the right to pleasure their own body.  No one has the right to someone else’s body.”  Then he said he masturbates 3-4 times a day.

On the third day he asked for more bikini pictures and what size panties I wear.  He asked if I wore lacey underwear.  He apologized whenever I called him out on crossing boundaries.  He asked for my phone number, but I said no. I tried to steer the conversation back to the system many times.  He was clearly more interested in some sexual fantasy, but I wanted to hear more about how the system works.  He said he had experience investigating sexual assault crimes and he said he hated doing them.  I wanted to know more.  He also said he agreed there are issues with the system, especially with sexual abuse and domestic violence cases.  He said, “The reason why a lot of people get off is because the person they assaulted can’t testify due to trauma.”  Five seconds later he was asking about my underwear again.

Honestly, this interaction is a lot for me to process right now.  Here is this young, married police officer in Massachusetts who works in or has worked in a unit where sex crimes were/are investigated…and yet he is so enthralled with sexual fantasies - I think in order to avoid the harsh reality of having three young babies.  Part of me wants to track his wife down, offer to make her dinner and check in to see if she is OK.  I do have empathy for this Cop, but I am more concerned about mom and babies than this dude’s lack of sex.

I post a lot of footage of me wearing my bathrobe, with messy hair, baggy tee shirts and pajama pants.  I am the opposite of a thirst trap, but I do see how powerful and sexy I am as I frolic bra-less and throw my middle finger in the air. It’s the confidence that attracts, not the looks.

I ended the conversation with him like this – “You are missing my point.  If you want to be my friend…read my book and help fix the system! My child is suicidal from being sexually abused and bounced around the system like a ping pong ball.  You do not want your kids to experience this. And you definitely don’t want some cop messaging your married daughter someday, asking her for bikini pics.”

He apologized once again and said he guess he felt comfortable with me, so he opened up too soon.

The cops need therapy.  Young men need healthy guidance to improve communication with their spouses.  Think about the person who is entrusted to work with/interview/investigate sexual assault cases – we need more discretion and more protection for these survivors.

There’s a reason why most salons will not wax men’s bodies, only their faces.  Every salon in Worcester that waxes pussy, will wax my pussy if I make an appointment.  Only a handful of estheticians will wax a dick and a set of balls - it’s because of the person attached to them – not the anatomy itself.  Men can’t be trusted the way women can be trusted.

If you’re not mature enough to have your balls waxed by a lovely, professionally trained esthetician, maybe you’re not mature enough to investigate sexual assault crimes.